Sunday, April 6, 2014

Seeing, not wanting

Sometimes, you get in a frame of mind where you are simply a spectator of each moment as it happens, not holding an opinion about it but merely observing, and all the struggles of your self-will--the girl you want to ask out, the boss you want to tell off, the new car you are saving up for--are still present to your conscious mind but become something of an irrelevant side show, a movie running in a small corner of your mental screen, with the volume turned off.

This may happen through some mental discipline such as meditation or simply by a small triggering event, as simple as suddenly noticing a falling leaf or watching someone pedaling a bicycle. Everything is the same and yet everything is suddenly changed. Every leaf on a tree or pebble on your path is a matter of grave and deep interest. You seem to see everything and need nothing. In its own way, it is like seeing an X-ray of the world.

You know that within 15 minutes, you may very well be back to your customary egotistical, complaining, deluded self, but while the sudden detachment lasts, it is as though you are on a different plane, and you begin to think what may bring the feeling back again. Since you know it is possible, you know that when it returns, you will welcome it.

© Michael Huggins, 2014. All rights reserved.

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